hurloaned:

Literally being a girl feels like nonconsensual performance art

beautyqueenlana:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

jesus christ, be polite to children and show them manners. fucking say excuse me when you walk past them, apologize to them when you cut them off, thank them when they’re courteous to you. they’re not little objects that don’t matter. you should be a fucking example and teach them how to treat people, instead of acting like they’re these invisible THINGS that don’t have feelings or don’t notice when they aren’t acknowledged. be polite to children the same way you’d be polite to someone of your own age group or older. you can respect a child.

I’m angry. And I’m disappointed in myself for allowing myself to overreact yet again.

06/05/19

I was outside walking my dog Nala today when this lady who lives in my building passed us with her dog. I’ve seen her around the building walking her dog before. She pulls her like crazy and this lady cant control her. She yanks hard on her leash literally choking her during their walks. she always avoids everyone she passes and never speaks. well today when Nala and i passed her, her dog was wagging her tail, she was panting in excitement as she tried to run over to me and my dog. well she didn’t make it too far before her god awful owner yanked hard on her leash pulling her forcefully back towards her, which caused the dog to fall into her legs nearly knocking her over. me and my dog were just calmly standing in the same spot the entire time, watching her struggle to control the dog, and she turned to the dog, tugged on her collar some more and told her she was BAD. the dog did nothing wrong. she was happy, friendly excited, and you’re going to scold her for …. being a dog?i turned to her and said, my dog is friendly, she’s only eleven months. they can meet if you’d like? and she says “no thats okay.” and tried storming off angrily with her dog to which i then said- “okay, fine. if you don’t want to socialize your dog that’s your problem.” and she said to me, “Excuse me? Do you know who i am?” And i replied with, “Yeah, i do actually. You’re the lady who drags her dog around by the neck and yells at her in the yard for all of the neighbours to hear.” she said, “uhh that’s not true.” and i told her “yes it is, i’ve fucking seen it out my living room window on multiple occasions.” well my swearing must’ve upset her because she then stopped dead in her tracks, turned to me and said, “wow that language is awful, you need jesus.” i was furious at this point and i said, “yeah well you need to fuck off and eat shit bitch.” And i walked away while flipping her the bird – i know, i’m quite the classy lady. whatever, dispute over and done with. 

Nala and i continued our walk around the building where we ended up crossing paths with this skitzo AGAIN. i had my face buried into my phone still walking my dog, making it clear i had zero intention of conversation or even eye contact. this lady stops, stands there for a minute watching us and says to us, “what are you following me now? do i need to call the police?” and i snapped back loud and angrily, “FUCKING DO IT BITCH, I LIVE HERE, THE YARD IS ONLY SO BIG!” that caught her really off guard because her response was “wow you really need to find jesus to kill that evil thing inside of you.” i told her “i’m not the only one he needs to take care of!” except it was a little more vulgar, inappropriate and more heartless.

i’m very disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get so angry and lose my temper. regardless if she shouldn’t be scolding her dog for being a dog, i shouldn’t have said some of the things i said. i regret them now and wish i could’ve handled the situation better and more maturely. i was a feisty, mouthy teenager all through high school. i lived for arguments and fights – and a lot of the time i won. but i don’t want to be that girl anymore. i want to be kind, humble, and happy. not rude, vulgar and angry. it’s a lot of energy feeling that way 24-7 and it’s emotionally draining. i’m still awaiting my psychiatric evaluation at the mood disorder clinic, and the longer i wait the worse my anger and emotions are getting. it seems i don’t have much control over my emotions, even when i can recognize the exact emotion i’m feeling at the time. i often feel embarrassed after an outburst, and then i become extremely angry with myself, and disappointed for allowing that to happen when i know i want better control. i know i should’ve just walked away, i know i shouldn’t cursed at her, and i know i should’ve ignored her the second time she had instigated an argument. wanna know what else i know? i fucking suck at being human. 

womanfactory: